Warning Signs of Bully Behavior and How to Protect your Child

 

School should be one of the safest places instead of a scary place because of bullying behavior. Yet the recent number of horrifying acts of violence from bullies toward shy and introverted kids has everyone concerned. However, the most important group to take positive action to protect their kids at school is always their parents who are the most in tune with the needs of their children.

It is essential to know what to look for in protecting your child from the dangers of bullying. Here are the classic warning signs of a child who is being victimized by bullies:

·         Talking about being scared to walk to school

·         Acting scared to ride on the school bus

·         Develop a phobia about going to school

·         Act sick on school days

·         Lie to avoid school

·         Skipping school

·         Failing in school work

·         Mysterious broken or damaged books, backpacks, or torn clothes

·         Verbal changes, especially stammering or inability to express fears

·         Inability to eat or excessive over-eating

·         Discussing suicide or threats to harm themselves instead of going to school

·         Sleeping disorders, active night terrors or nightmares

·         Mysterious disappearance of personal possessions, (cellphones, ipads, etc)

·         Mysterious appearance of bruises, cuts, scratches, or broken bones

·         Passing on the pain by bullying younger siblings

·         Major changes in behavior, completely withdrawn or totally aggressive

 

Here are five key strategies you can use to protect your son or daughter from bullying at school or in the community.

1) Listen to your child’s fears and frustrations.

Sadly, many of the kids who felt like committing suicide to escape bully behavior held all their fears and frustrations inside until they began a self-destructive cycle ending in their death. Bully behavior at school is not a new problem. However, these days there are dangerous gangs and violent individuals in or around just about every school environment. Sometimes bully violence comes from neighborhood gangs, but it’s far more likely that the threats, harassment, intimidation, fights or acts of violence will come from someone inside your child’s school. Students who use weapons against other students, like the Virginia Tech or Columbine shooters for example, often make threats long before acting on them. It is essential to listen to what is going on, so you know how to respond. Become more involved in talking about safety with your child, instead of just talking about academics or daily activities. Ask your kids direct questions and then really listen to their fears and frustrations about what’s happening around them at school. Keep the conversation age appropriate and allow your child to do most of the talking as you hear about their experiences with bullies or other situations that might have made them feel uncomfortable or afraid while at school.

2) Get involved at their school & ask direct questions of teachers and administration.

 The greater the level of parental involvement, the greater the chance that your child’s school will have less intimidation from bullies. When kids are involved in healthy after-school activities like sports, music, drama or scouting they are less likely to be in a dangerous situation, because everyone is engaged and involved, instead of bored or detached. Parents can spot and then quietly solve a lot of problems that may be in the ‘shadows’ by getting more involved in the lives of their children and encouraging greater involvement in healthy activities. Sometimes the easiest way to avoid becoming victimized by bully behavior is to be involved in activities with others instead of feeling insecure and isolated when threatening people or situations come along.

3) Use national media events as springboards into serious discussions with your child and their friends.

Much of the televised news reports about death by suicide to avoid school bullies is shocking to say the least, however, you can use news stories from the paper, television or an Internet news source to bring the facts of a national story out in the open to then ‘springboard’ into a more personal discussion with your son or daughter about how to deal with issues they might one day face on the local level at their school. This can especially be important with older teens who may believe they are invincible to the harsh realities of violent and aggressive bullies who direct their rage toward innocent people in public places, especially schools. Something about seeing a group of crying teens gathered around a makeshift memorial to honor their fellow classmate who died tragically makes it more real… because it shows regular kids, just like them, who were victimized by dangerous bullies at or around school. Asking, “what would you do if you saw someone being bullied in a locker room?”, or “does anyone at your school make threats to hurt you, your teachers or other classmates?” are all ways to get directly involved in protecting your child, as well as preventing the next breaking news story about another school tragedy from happening on their school campus.

4) Have open family meetings about bullying issues on a regular basis.

Every family should have regular discussions on how they would need to respond to bully behavior. Education officials encourage parents to have a plan for their personal safety should bully behavior happen against them. Knowing what to do and then reviewing that plan monthly will remove a significant amount of panic because planning removes panic. When your son or daughter has insight on what to do when facing a bully, they are better equipped to manage their fears, instead of internalizing them which can build up into self-destructive behavior.

5) Never give up on staying connected and involved with your child's life.

The more engaged you are, the more you can be their safe place against the challenges they will face in primary, secondary, postsecondary, and collegiate education. You never stop being a parent, and in protecting your children from bullying behavior you are protecting them from a lifetime of pain.

 

For more detailed information about school bullies to review in preparing to talk to your kids visit:

• US Department of Education http://www.ed.gov/category/keyword/bullying
•  National Crime Prevention Council http://www.ncpc.org/

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About the author- Dwight Bain helps people re-write their story to find greater significance and success. He is a Nationally Certified Counselor, Certified Life Coach and Family Law Mediator in practice since 1984 with a primary focus on solving crisis events and managing major change.